Survivors/Victims often suffer both physical and emotional pain. Many state that they are hurt and disappointed because the person who abuses them is the person whom they love or have loved and respected. They live in fear because the abuser is always near them; they feel shame because their dignity has been violated. Children in these families may want to run away from home and often cannot focus on their studies. These children may be more susceptible to violence from others. The perpetrators also receive negative consequences: a bad reputation, an unhappy family, and possible imprisonment.
Here is a small list of some of the possible effects on people who have been harmed by domestic violence: Fear toward the abuser
Distrust of the abuser
Anger toward the abuser or toward themselves for not resisting the abuse
Resentment of the harms that have been caused by the abuse
Distance or “loss of closeness”
Hatred toward the abuser
Physical injuries
Loss of money or income
Psychological scars (changes in thoughts about self, others or the world in general)
Insecurity (loss of a feeling of hope and safety for the future)
Loss of self-confidence
Humiliation and hurt feelings
Embarrassment about the abuse being experienced
Shame
Self-blame for the abuse being experienced
Depression
Suicidal feelings
Apathy toward the abuser, children or life in general
Alcohol or drug abuse to escape the pain and harms caused by domestic abuse
Physical injuries or death
Spitefulness and revenge
Sarcasm toward the abuser
Passive resistance (indirect actions toward the abuser as a form of resistance)
Confusion or ambivalence about the abuser or the relationship
Keeping secrets
Loss of sexual feelings for the abuser
Loss of respect for the abuser
Social isolation (from friends or relatives)
Physical retaliation toward the abuser
All of these effects and more can arise from experiencing domestic violence. If you have felt any of these things, it can be helpful to seek out support and possibly counseling for you and your children.
If you have been abusive toward your partner or family, it can be helpful to recognize that these kind of harms often get worse over time if you do not make the choice to change your behavior.
