Can abusers Change?
Yes, but progress will depend on the abuser recognizing that they are abusive and being prepared to work hard at being non-abusive for a long time, without expecting rewards or support for their efforts. Change does not occur overnight, if it occurs at all, and many group members drop out along the way. Long-term improvement in behavior is more likely for a group member who has a personal investment in making changes and completes the full program, but even that is no guarantee. Many abusers continue to be violent and controlling after attending batterer intervention groups.
It is common for abusers to be apologetic after being abusive, but there are concrete ways that demonstrate change that don’t involve saying “I’m sorry.” Many abusers repeatedly cycle through a stage of increasing abusiveness, then an incident of violence, and then a period of worry over being caught and attempts to make up. They may try to use apologies and promises to get you to take them back, to drop a restraining order, or to drop criminal charges. This stage of avoiding consequences is just another way to abuse and control you, and does not lead to any lasting changes.
It is common for abusers to be apologetic after being abusive, but there are concrete ways that demonstrate change that don’t involve saying “I’m sorry.” Many abusers repeatedly cycle through a stage of increasing abusiveness, then an incident of violence, and then a period of worry over being caught and attempts to make up. They may try to use apologies and promises to get you to take them back, to drop a restraining order, or to drop criminal charges. This stage of avoiding consequences is just another way to abuse and control you, and does not lead to any lasting changes.
