By Susan Cayouette, Emerge Co- Director
Harmful? Controlling? Abusive? Violent? If
you’ve led an abuser education group, you’ve
surely had to decide whether all, none or some
of these words describe each group member. In
making these judgments, you’ve engaged in a
complex process of assessment which may have
become second nature to you. However, in
creating our training called “Is This Abuse?,”
David Adams, Ted German, Laurie Van Loon, and I
took on the challenge of creating a visual tool
which could distinguish these descriptors of
abuse, while also showing where they overlap. We
hoped that these tools would be useful to mental
health professionals faced with determining
whether it was appropriate to continue to see an
individual who disclosed abuse, control or
violence in his or her relationship.
What we came up with was a “Continuum of Harmful
Behavior in Intimate Relationships,” which looks
at the spectrum of behaviors that are harmful,
from those which are insensitive or alienating,
to those that are controlling, and finally to
those that are abusive either physically or
psychologically. We also developed definitions
of abusive, controlling, and insensitive or
alienating behavior:
Abusive Behavior
Includes actions that engender fear and
intimidation, or undermine the other person’s
self-determination. Many controlling behaviors
may also be abusive within the context of
physical or psychological abuse.
Controlling Behavior
Includes abusive behaviors but also actions
that are undermining of the other person’s self-
determination or self-esteem. This includes
unilateral complaints, controlling the agenda,
freedom from accountability to the other person
(e.g., coming and going as one pleases).
Behavior is nonabusive if it lacks the elements
of fear and intimidation.
Using these definitions as guideposts, we mapped
a continuum of behaviors which allows therapists
to distinguish between behavior that is harmful
to the relationship, but does not rise to the
level of abuse. So insensitive behavior by one
member of a couple, such as ignoring the other
person, is harmful to the relationship, but does
not meet the definition of abusive because it
does not engender fear or intimidation and does
not undermine the person’s sense of self-esteem
or self-determination.
A therapist who is deciding whether or not to
send a batterer to group, or whether to (also)
see him with his partner in couples counseling,
faces a far more complicated determination than
our “Continuum of Harmful Behavior” could
address in isolation. So we developed another
set of questions which can be used to look at
behavior, context, and impact. These questions
gather more information and further clarify how
behavior, context, and impact help practitioners
make a definitive assessment of the specific
behavior under scrutiny.
Batterer intervention counselors may need to use
these tools to determine the appropriateness of
referrals to a batterer intervention group. For
instance, some GLBT [gay, lesbian, bisexual,
transgender] referrals to abuser education
programs may actually be victims, not
perpetrators. Used thoughtfully, these tools
help distinguish between victims and
perpetrators in situations that initially seem
quite clear-cut. They also help with GLBT (and
heterosexual) referrals when both parties are
referred to an abuser group and the initial
story is quite muddy.
We have presented our “Is This Abuse?”
conference twice in Massachusetts and are now
offering it in other states. If you are
interested in getting more information about
this training, contact
Ted German,
our Training Director.
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