Signs of NOT Changing
Does your partner tell you that you are the one that is abusive?
Does your partner use Emerge group sessions or information against you in any way?
Is your partner pressuring you to go to therapy for yourself or couples counseling for the two of you?
Is your partner minimizing the abuse in the Emerge group? (You can ask the group leaders what your partner is reporting in the groups.)
Does your partner demand a second chance?
Does your partner say that it is impossible to change without your support?
Does your partner try to get sympathy from you or the children?
Do you have to keep after your partner to attend Emerge meetings and stay in the program?
Does your partner expect something in return from you for attending Emerge?
Is your partner pressuring you to make up your mind about the relationship or to move back in together?
Is your partner pressuring you to drop criminal charges or your restraining order?
Is your partner attempting to blackmail you into dropping criminal charges or your restraining order?
Abusers may pressure you to stay with them while they attend Emerge; this is a tactic of abuse and control. If they are serious about changing, they will respect your wishes about the relationship.