Domestic Violence & Alcohol/Drug Use

Are abusers hurtful because they use alcohol or other drugs?

Alcohol and other drugs do not cause abuse. They do give abusers a convenient excuse for their abusive behavior. Being abusive is still a choice, even if an individual is under the influence of substances. If a group member is violent and also abuses alcohol, then they have two problems to take care of.

The use of alcohol and other drugs will increase their abusive beliefs and could lead to an increased level of abusive actions. This does not mean that the substance causes the abuse, but that it merely makes the abuse and violence more dangerous.

One piece of feedback we give to abusers who use alcohol or other drugs as an excuse is to ask how many drinks it would take for them to sexually abuse a child. Abusers will typically scoff at that question and state that there is no amount of alcohol that will cause them to do such a thing. The truth is that, when sober, each person has a set of rules about how they should act towards others. When using alcohol or other drugs, those rules remain in place unless those rules are limits to behavior instead of prohibitions. We find that abusers choose harmful behaviors toward their family when sober which are not necessarily violent in nature, but may be verbally or emotionally hurtful. For those abusers, their "rule" is that it is okay to be abusive verbally or emotionally, but they may say that it's not okay to hit. When intoxicated, since their rule is a limit on their behavior instead of a prohibition (such as "there is no way I will ever hurt a child in a sexual manner"), their rules are like lines drawn in sand. When intoxicated, they may still choose to be verbally or emotionally abusive, but will also be abusive in other ways including physically.

Since remaining substance free is difficult, especially in the beginning. This may lead to more, rather than less, abuse toward partners and children.

Some abusers also choose to be abusive to their partner or family because of their partner's alcohol or drug use. These abusers tend to want to control behavior instead of support their partner who is addicted to a substance. This controlling behavior easily becomes abusive and violent as opposed to the care and support necessary to help someone recover from addiction.

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