Signs of Change

You are the best judge of whether your partner is changing. If you feel that there is no change, trust that regardless of other signs. This list does not intend to suggest that if someone just starts these actions they have changed, but are only indicators that change MAY be starting. Unfortunately, abusers are very good at manipulation, and may be showing signs of change without actually having made any, or may be trying to make it seem like they have changed, but have not.

• Has your partner completely stopped saying and doing things that frighten you?

• Can you express anger without being punished for it?

• Does it feel safe to bring up topics that you know your partner disagrees with?

• Can your partner listen to your opinion and respect it, even when disagreeing with you?

• Does your partner argue without being abusive or having to be right?

• Does your partner respect your wishes about sex and physical contact?

• Has your partner stopped expecting you to do things that you may not want to do?

• Can you spend time with friends or family without being afraid that your partner will retaliate? Can you do other things that are important to you, such as go to school or get a job?

• Are you comfortable with the way your partner interacts with the children? 

• Do you feel safe leaving the children with your partner?

• Does your partner support you and give compliments? 

• Does your partner listen to what you have to say?

• Does your partner do enough housework and childcare?