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Can Abusers Change?
Yes, but
progress will depend on recognizing they are abusive and being prepared
to work hard at being non-abusive for a long time, without expecting
rewards or support for their efforts. Change does not occur overnight,
if it occurs at all, and many group members
drop out along the way. Long-term improvement in behavior is more likely
for a group member who has a personal investment in making changes and
completes the full program, but even that is no guarantee.
Many abusers continue
to be violent and controlling after attending batterer intervention
groups.
It is common for abusers to be apologetic after being abusive,
but there are concrete
ways that demonstrate change that don't involve saying "I'm sorry".
Many abusers have a repeating cycle where there's a
stage of increasing abusiveness, then an incident of violence, and then
a period of worry over being caught and attempts to make up. They may
try to use apologies and promises to get you to take them back, to drop
a restraining order, or to drop criminal charges. This stage of avoiding
consequences is just another way to abuse and control you, and
does not lead to any lasting changes. |
